Les Singes: The Life of Monkey Boy

Mommy's Little Boy

Breastfeeding scorecard in my family:

The four oldest siblings: no boob milk whatsover.

The three youngest siblings (including myself): yes to the boob milk. 

So there you have it.  I visited my mom last night after my soccer match.  She reluctantly provided the scoop on the breastfeeding data allowing me to share my findings.  She says I was breastfed for 10 months like my younger brother.  I clarified this with her a few times inquiring each time as to whether or not I was breastfed the longest of all seven kids.  She wouldn't admit to this coercison technique of mine, yet I have a hunch I was breastfed the longest.  Now, this means many things to many people... so here's my take on why my breastfeeding prowess can be translated into real world success.

• I blog
• I think before I act
• I make tons and tons of money
• Ironman
• I'm destined for greatness
• I have a full head of hair
• very rarely get sick
• I drive a very large car
• I dig people
• normal
• animal noises
• boob man
• lover of all thing dairy
• ravishing good looks
• zero percent body fat
• can spell "quadratic" and "chlorophyll" correctly always

Unconditional Love?

For those of you who can't read this gem of a bumpersticker, it says He's YOUR God, They're YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell." Please discuss this bumpersticker I spied while snagging bagels last Sunday. I don't feel God's love on this one.

When Napping Isn't Enough

When one is expecting their first child, it's a mad dash to the cinemas before the child arrives.  My wife and I saw two movies last week and oddly enough each movie's featured characters were pregnant.  That should make it very easy to know which movies we observed.

The first one we saw was Knocked Up.  Okay, this movie isn't going to change the world or anything, but I caught myself laughing out loud during most of the movie.  I find this to be a very good quality about a movie.  If you're not pregnant or not having sex, the movie should still be to your liking.  The movie is rated R, yet there was a mom and a dad there with their three kids.  I'm guessing the kids were about 7, 10, and 12 years old.  I will go on record saying the movie is a bit crude and therefore not appropriate for pre-teens.  Perhaps I'm a prude, but the kids were a tad too young for this flick.  Two thumbs up on this movie for entertainment purposes and eye candy.

The second movie was saw on Friday night after work.  It's the new Angelina Jolie flick, A Mighty Heart.  Wow, this movie was really good.  I was totally engrossed in the story and loved the way it movie unfolded.  Granted I knew the outcome of the story because I watch the news yo, yet they pieced this movie together really well.  I know Angelina Jolie can be a polarizing celebrity, but she really is talented too.  Be advised this movie is a tearjerker and will bring a pregnant person to tears easily.  Non-pregnant types will more likely than not cry too, consider yourself warned. 

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Time for my PSA (public service announcement) regarding childbirth.  I would be lying to you, my faithful readers, if I said the anticipation of becoming a dad is all about unicorns, pink stuff, and ultrasounds.  I may be in a wee bit of a funk.  Not in a bad way mind you, but I'm a bit unmotivated knowing the life I've known for the past 16 years is about to change.  My wife and I had a candid chat about our future Saturday morning.  We've caught ourselves getting so wrapped up in Anna's arrival in this world, that we're not pampering ourselves enough.  I think this is what makes my relationship with Mrs. Lessinges so special... we can have these kinds of discussions and be on the same page. 

I'm very sappy these days.  For example, I broke into tears as I drove across this bridge on my way to get bagels Sunday morning.   Not that driving across a floating bridge makes me weepy, but I spied a guy running who I usually see in my neighborhood.  This dedicated man runs everywhere and he's got to be in his late 50's to early 60's.   There's something so inspirational about this guy pounding the pavement that brings a smirk to my face.  What I love most about this guy, he's always wearing the same running outfit.  I can't blame him though because the Adidas shorts he wears are damn cool... I just might own the same pair.

Pulling Weeds

Do you have a case of the Fridays? Another week has already passed? Holy cow things are flying by these days. Most of us aren't unhappy for a Friday to roll around and neither am I. Last week I discovered my company provides free beer on Fridays. I don't sit near one of our flat screen plasma monitors announcing the festiivities so I've missed out on this. It's not a huge deal though because I tend to grab a beer and head back to my desk to continue working. You may be surprised, but I'm really that dedicated. The included picture is the baby nursery we put together last weekend. Last night, I fell asleep in the glider you see pictured here waiting for the oven to heat up. Uh huh, I made Mrs. Lessinges a grilled cheese sandwich because I'm a nice monkey. Anna's room has become a bit of a sanctuary for us. It's very soothing to sit in there and ponder our life... or at least that's what I do. After I finished broiling cheese, I got some wicked Excel tips from Mrs. Lessinges. I had a nagging overdue report to do for work, alas I'm happy to report that sucker is finally complete. I'm not wired to sit still and work on spreadsheets, this much I know. Now here's where it gets cool for those living in the northern reaches. Yesterday was the summer solstice, so I was able to spend 90 minutes in the yard after finishing my report around 8:00 pm. Is it bad to mow after 8 on a "school night"? I made quick work of the lawn and pulled my last weed around 9:30pm. I love the longer summer days in Seattle. ------------------ Dear readers thanks for submitting questions on the last post. I'm too dog tired as I type this post to muster a video entry. If I recorded one now, it's likely some of you would never return to this blog. My aim is to put together a nifty video this weekend in between various errands. If I can suggest one thing, lead virtuous lives please!

Sometimes One Feels Like a Tool

I posted a recipe on my blog yesterday for what reason?

1. I got paid to do so by Kraft Canada?
2. I felt obligated to post something not baby related?
3. My mood was so-so on Tuesday?
4. A super nifty message can be found in the recipe?
5. Brownies make my heart flutter?
6. I was forced to do so by a certain blogger?

Yes, truth be told it was number six.  The infamous Brandy challenged me to post a recipe on my blog to see if anyone would comment on it.  Normally I wouldn't pull a stunt like this, but I was in a bit of a cranky mood.  I solicited my blogger bud Amy for a recipe and she provided the brownie one you see posted.  So yeah, I lost this bet because I figured nobody would waste the time commenting on a recipe, yet she predicted more than 40 comments would occur.  It was meant as a compliment from Brandy praising my "writing" style.  Anyways, I tried my best not to pad the comment number by not responding.  Don't hate me for not responding, but I will get to them... eventually.

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It's important for me to find out if I was breastfed as a child.  I'm really curious if that's why my immune system is so rock solid to this very day.  I get the feeling I wasn't breastfed and that I'm some sort of freak of nature.  I've yet to determine this.  I will call my mom to confirm. 

Last night I learned how to swaddle a kid and how to make faces at humans during our parenting class.  I also learned it's not a wise idea to guzzle a can of Vanilla Coke before class because it leads to awkward noises in the belly and throat.  Trust me on that one.   I did tattle tale on our horrible instructor from last week's infant cpr class we took.  Yes, that's how I roll.  I like to submit feedback when it's warranted.

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Last week I asked readers to submit questions for use on a future post.  Since not everyone got the chance to read the post before I started recording... here's your chance to do it again.  Ask anything you want and I just might* answer it.  Stay tuned for the video answers.  I may do a Fully Klothed Thursday post again tomorrow in case you're one of those interested types, if I don't fall asleep on the basement couch with the laptop resting on me belly.

*might = no chance in hell.

Merci Beaucoup Kraft Canada

One Bowl Caramel Pecan Brownies

Prep: 20 minutes

Ready in: 55 minutes

Serves: 24 brownies

Directions:

1. PREHEAT oven to 350°F. Microwave 4 squares Baker's Unsweetened Chocolate and 3/4 cup butter in large microwaveable bowl on HIGH for 2 minutes, or until butter is melted. Stir until chocolate is completely melted
2. STIR in 2 cups sugar until well blended. Add 3 eggs and 1 tsp. vanilla; mix well. Stir in 1 cup flour. Stir in 1 cup chopped pecans, if desired. Spread into greased 9-inch square baking pan.
3. BAKE for 45 to 50 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in centre comes out with fudgy crumbs. During last 5 minutes of baking, top with a handful each unwrapped chopped Kraft Caramels and pecan pieces. Cool completely before cutting to serve.

Go here yo, for the full fledged website and so I won't get sued by some big wig north of the border.

The Beast of Burden

What does being a father mean to me? In my mind it's all about reponsibility. It means taking care of my family, including my wife and daughter unconditionally. The way I see it, being a father is a lifetime commitment, not too unlike marriage. I will know my daughter better than anyone else with the exception of my wife. Sure that's likely to change when my daughter reaches college, yet it's my aim to stay in touch as best as possible. The apprehension following my parents divorce in the mid 1980's left me reeling, my dad was nowhere to be seen. It crushed me to not have my dad near, as we were very close. There's a reason I'm an affectionate and sensitive person today and I'd like to believe my dad has a huge part in this.

The void in my life after my parents divorced was huge. I become an introvert, completely reversing my outgoing personality of the blissful pre-teen years. Those post-divorce times were rough on me and the family. It should then come as no surprise how I embraced my college girlfriend's dad. He was a wonderful man and took me under his wing. I learned so many amazing things that when the relationship between his daughter and I crumbled... I wondered if it was okay to still call him. Of course I didn't, but it was a setback of sorts.

Eventually I got it all straightened out and was able to meet this great woman who became my wife. Some time passes and here I am, staring parenthood in the face. There are days where I feel I will know precisely what to expect since I've been around kids almost my entire life. Entertaining kids is a hobby of mine just as people watching is. There are other days where I just don't know what to expect.

Like any big changes in life, it's "the unknown" that will play tricks on the mind. Will the crying drive me insane? Will I be overprotective or too relaxed? Should I be an APer? Most importantly, will she be healthy? How we handle these unknowns is what identifies our character.

Call me crazy, but I look forward to the first time it's daddy and baby time. I will cherish how a person will be completely reliant upon me for supervision. I dream about how great it will be to take her camping, to watch a baseball game, or pack up the car and go for a little road trip. Don't be fooled though because I'm completely captivated about seeing the world through my child's eyes. This will be my favorite aspect of my new life. Is it a burden to be a father? Hells no, it's an honor.

The Scene is Clear

The company is gone, the company is gone.  Hurray!  Finally we've got our place back and it's time to whip the guest bedroom into the nursery.  To the right is a photo I took prior to the changing of the guest room.  We painted this room about 18 months ago and went with a nice neutral (sexless) color. 

This weekend my brother gets very lucky, no.. not that kind of "lucky" people.  He gets our old queen bed for free.  Why is he lucky though?  Well he's currently sleeping on a twin size bed which I bought in college, circa 1994 or so.  You read that right a twin size bed.  Maybe a twin bed isn't too horrible, but my brother is 6'3 and about 250 pounds.  The twin mattress is in pain, I guarantee it.  My younger brother, notice I didn't say little, is a big dude so this will be a welcome change.  He was like a football player and stuff.  Enjoy the new bed bro!

We started working on the bedroom Wednesday night.  It was very cool to pull out some stuff we bought months ago for Anna after learning she's a girl.  A tear or two may have been shed while we did this.  This daughter of ours will be quite the stylish girl and will not be lacking in love and support.  Nor will she be short on stuffed animals, but can you really have too many of the plush critters?  I say no.

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Wednesday morning before my wife's doctor appointment, we grabbed some bagels near Seattle's famous Pike Place Market.  We ate our bagels in the car, killing some time before the appointment.  From this vantage point we engaged in some people watching, one of my most favorite activities.  We observed a tourist setting up his camera to take a scenic photo with Puget Sound in the background.  He used the timer function on his digital camera as opposed the arm stretched away from the body technique.  It was quite entertaining to watch him re-shoot his photo several times. 

When we got bored of watching him, our eyes shifted across the street to a Canadian couple trying to figure out our high tech parking machines.  While they contemplated the machine, a driver attempted to parallel park her huge Chevy Suburban on the hilly street.  It wasn't a pretty sight, yet the driver did eventually manage to get her behemoth vehicle in the spot.  You could tell she was a wee bit flustered, but I'm happy to report she assisted the friendly Canadian couple navigating the solar powered parking meter.   If she didn't help them, I was about to jump out of the car and offer my uber friendly support.

I could have wasted an entire day in the car watching people.  My wife and I had such a great time observing strangers in their natural environment.  I guarantee someone was watching us watch people.  I so want to get paid to "people watch". 

FKT: brave or stupid?

Today's post is in video format yo! A little bit of background here.  On Wednesday's post I asked readers to submit a question which I would respond to via my first video post.  You can read the comments in their entirety or watch me stumble through them with my flimsy cue card.

This is my punishment for buying a sweet laptop with a built-in webcam. I created a YouTube link to the same video making it the talk of the internet or just more accessible. This is my first official video post so tread lightly or not.   Have a good Thursday!

Offer not Valid in Québec

Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you...

Jack Tripper and I don't have much in common.  He does share a zest for life that made me jealous as a tot.  And yes, I was very sad when John Ritter died a couple years ago, yet that's a story for another day.  What's important is my next proposal/game/ploy to take over the world. 

It's been said I like to answer questions and it's been said I like to dress up in heaps of clothes, Fully Klothed Thursday style.  So I've decided to combine the two passions for tomorrow's post.  Here's my offer to you.  Submit any question you want to ask me in the comments of this very post.  I will randomly* answer them with a video post tomorrow, meaning I will choose 3-5 questions at "random" while in FKT garb. 

I can offer you this entertainment finally because we have a new computer and we also received a new camera as a gift.  In order to play you must have a pulse, ability to type with one hand, and enjoy ice cream.  If you're unable to provide a question, no worries... I ain't mad at you.  Capiche?

*random - meaning I will not discriminate against any bloggers whatsoever, unless you collect Beanie Babies™.