Les Singes: The Life of Monkey Boy

Ballet World

When I was much younger I'd remember certain things about people. For example, in high school I'd commit to memory which people smoke and what cars they drive. Mind you, that's not all I tracked about each person, but I put a great deal of mental effort into memorizing such banal details about classmates.

Some 18 years later, I find myself keeping similar mental notes about co-workers. Why do I waste the energy? I have no clue. Here are the details I track closely.

• Do they wash their hands after touching themselves in the bathroom?
• Do they talk on their cell phone in the bathroom?
• Do they giggle uncontrollably when cutting their fingernails?
• Do they use a new paper cup on each visit to the kitchen?
• Do they hold doors open for others?
• BlackBerry, iPhone, something else, or no phone?
• Shoes
• Can you be bothered to wipe off the water around the kitchen sink?

Most of these probably make sense. I need to know who has proper hygiene in case I'm stuck in a three hour meeting with them. I also like to keep mental tabs on the lazy folks who can't be hassled to clean a coffee mug at the beginning of each day.

I only care about shoes because I need to be able to match a criminal to the scene ex post facto. I rarely have to use this tactic, but I'm definitely guilty of wandering around the office seeking out a rare shoe design.

Do you keep tabs on trivial things like this? If so, please share since that's what blogging is all about. A little give and take is good for the soul.

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Saturday afternoon we'll take our daughter to the Nutcracker. It should be very fun for many reasons. I'm hopeful she'll be so intrigued we, meaning me, won't have to hang out in the hallway and watch the ballet. Baby Singe thought we were attending the ballet today and was rather disappointed when she learned it was tomorrow. By wearing a dress and her ballet shoes, I think she assumed we were off to the ballet. Patience darling, patience.

Let's Do This

A week ago today I was hanging out with my buddies for our second annual Mancation. It was an adventure, foreshadowing. Last year my wife coordinated the festivities with my friends as a surprise weekend getaway. It was extremely awesome as I had no idea it was happening and so giddy when my pals showed up at my house to whisk me away.

This year we didn't have the element of surprise going in our favor. We had a desire for five college friends to get out of town and relax. Last year we went mountain biking in Eastern Washington. This year we planned something similar on the Columbia River Gorge.

I took last Thursday and Friday off work and drive down to Portland with my amigo Jason. Thursday night we hung out in The Rose City and watched a soccer game with another friend from college. It was a really fun time and something I plan to do again.

Friday and Saturday we rented a sweet house on the Columbia River Gorge. If you've never been to the Columbia River Gorge, then put it on your list of places to see. It's quite a remarkable area. Our plans once again centered on mountain biking. Although fishing got thrown into the mix. I don't fish though, but I do drive a kickass Subaru so I shuttled the guys back and forth from the fishing hole to the house.

Saturday rolls around and I'm just not feeling the mountain bike thing. Call me a year older or just lazy, but we opted out of the mountain bikes. We sat around our portable electronic devices tagging each other in photos Saturday morning. Then we officially cancelled the bike reservation and had to find a new activity.

Disc Golf

For those not in the know, disc golf is golf with frisbees. This would be your chance to laugh. Five dudes in their mid 30s skip out on mountain biking to play disc golf instead. The course was nine holes, however we didn't play all nine even though it took us a good half an hour to find suitable playing "discs". We arrive at the disc golf park and at hole one there's a warning sign that says something like "see that crap near your feet, that's poison oak. It will be everywhere on the course so I hope you brought Calamine lotion". I may have embellished.

We saw the sign and for some reason decide to play a few holes. We lose one of our five discs on hole two and miraculously none of us contracts poison oak. After hole three we decide enough is enough. The course was overgrown and rather shitty. We thought we'd have a glamorous story to tell at the end of our Mancation 2009, but really... I can sum it up with the following keywords.

Basement ping pong, no fish caught, poison oak, watching kiteboarders, Hood River, portable devices, Leeroy Jenkins, coffee, beer, relationships, good friends, and scary toll bridge.

On the drive home Sunday I got stuck in really bad traffic, adding two hours to the drive. The Mancation wasn't nearly as awesome as the previous year, but it's not about the activities. It truly is about the company. I'm cool with just hanging out doing nothing, which is pretty much what we did for a couple days. It's hard to find time as adults to hang out with my college friends so this is what our annual gathering is all about, friends. Thanks for playing!

Holster Your Weapon

If things don't work out for me in my current line of work, I have some options. Consider the following.

a) I phoned the non-emergency number because I saw a man walking down the street with a gun on his right hip. It seemed very odd and out of place. The police said they'd dispatch an officer. I was told by a neighbor, who happens to be a prosecutor, within the city limits of Seattle it's not illegal to wear your holstered gun, provided it's registered and not loaded. I'm not really in the business of learning either facts.

b) I may have sent a text message to someone about litter in our streets. I get sort of pissy about rubbish not being properly maintained.

Both stories highlight a part of me that feels the need to get involved. Sometimes this is good and sometimes it's not so good.
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Weather, can you blog about the weather? Well I'm going to since it was 94 degrees in Seattle on Monday and it's supposed to be 97 on Tuesday and remain in the mid 90s through Thursday. Did you know bees love heat? I'm fairly certain we have at least one wasp nest in our attic. If I never see a wasp again, I will be okay with that. NOTE: I do love bumble bees and honey bees. Wasps are not my friends though.

Quiz: there are two cities in the U.S. that have never reached zero degrees and 100 degrees, that would be Fahrenheit. I'm sure you've figured out Seattle is one of those ciites. However, can you tell me the other one? The winner gets an iPhone sock.

Around Town: this weekend we will be celebrating my daughter's second birthday. Her birthday isn't quite next weekend, still I can't believe two years have ticked away. What has happened to me since then? What's up with my blog? Am I still doing triathlons? Let me answer the triathlon bit right away... I did one about a week ago and did alright considering my utter lack of training. The Chicago relatives in-laws will be here to join in the festivities. Our little girl isn't so little anymore. I wish you all well on this lovely Tuesday!

For You to Know

The new job: busy like a beaver
My week with Baby Singe: heaps of daddy time
Ability to put rational thoughts together: not my strong suit
What I should be doing, but I'm not: showering and cleaning kitchen
Why am I avoiding said activities: I miss my blog
Is there a point to this post: do you like numbers?
First thing I did Thursday morning: checked outside for snow
Have I overindulged in food this week: Are Tori's for show?
Current glitches: Is this thing on?
Plans for weekend: food, exercise, family, recreating

Must find free time ....
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Not Running Away

I have been all over the place the past week. Most importantly though, nothing is wrong. I've had more issues with my BlackBerry than I care to discuss and my single parent stint is over. 

Our little one is most delightful. We've had so much fun with her the past four days since Mrs. Lessinges returned from her Mexican surf camp. I have pictures to prove how entertaining she truly can be. Everyone wants proof for this sort of claim. It will happen. The weather has been pleasant so we haven't spent much time in the house as of late. 

This week I'm booked with off-site work meetings. The new job is different and similar. I consider this job description to be a good thing. I also consider this post blog fodder and for that I apologize. Enjoy yourselves! 

NMJC*

Sometimes, they're she's the life of the party. You have to allow her to do what she wants and chalk it up as "learning". How else is an extremely adorable (and chatty) toddler supposed to find out what works?

As you can see here, Baby Singe likes to sit on things. This picture was taken a couple weeks ago following her black-eyed peas incident. I know this because the purple rug in her room is mysteriously absent. There's an accompanying video for this classic picture, but it's sort of R rated. My wife and I can be heard giggling uncontrollably (not RFLMAO) because of immature jokes I made regarding "golden showers" and the inappropriate nature of said video.

Shortly after this picture was taken, she removed the diaper from her little body. From there she attempted to get back in her baby doll's tub. Five minutes later she nestled into the corner and squatted. Her first public pee. A day later we bought a potty seat and it's currently stationed in the bathroom. Now, I just need to teach her how to text message.

*NMJC - text speak for Not Much, Just Chillin'. Used by texting teenyboppers to answer the age old question of "what are you doing?"

You Nearly Sunk My Battleship

"I'm so glad we didn't purchase that money pit"

HOUSE

I wipe my brow and wince each time we drive by a handful of homes in Seattle. Before we bought our first home, we had submitted an offer on a For Sale By Owner (FSBO for short) and backed out at the last minute. The owner started getting picky about stuff she wouldn't fix before we moved in. For us, it was too much and we got a weird vibe about the seller. She and her ex-husband owned the home, but there were some marital complications.

The day we were supposed to sign the papers on her house, we stopped by a quaint home about two miles south or hers. The house was tiny, but was move-in ready. We bought the tiny house a couple weeks later.

CAR

There have been a few cars I almost purchased, but for some reason walked away from the deal. Ford Focus. Nah, didn't need that car. Plus I didn't really care for the guy trying to suck his claws in my pocketbook. Then there were a few others: Tina, Isabella, Jennifer, and Stephanie.

BLOG POST

This time yesterday I had an absolutely perfect blog topic in my head. I sat down last night to type it up. POOF! It was one of those blog posts I pictured in my head and imagined how it would be so much better since I'm no longer on Facebook. Alas, it's gone. I will scan the depths of my mind to find it. [searching} Nope, nothing. This losing of terrific blog post ideas happens way more often than it should.

Nobody Rolls on the Floor While Laughing

Rewind eight years and you'd find me and my fiancée in our spacious suburban apartment planning our late April Hawaii wedding. She would have just started her brand new job at the Starbucks corporate office after leaving a boring job at Eddie Bauer.

I was working at a tech company which developed software for pulp and paper companies. I trained papermill staff how to use our rather un-user friendly software to hopefully ease their burdens. That job sent me to Europe twice, my present job has sent me to Canada twice, where I learned a lot about myself.

We were a youngish couple on the brink of marriage. Who knew what was in store for us over the next eight years. It was late in July of 2001 when I landed a job with my current employer. For those of you who don't know me, most of you, I was a chronic job changer before my wife and I got married. Loyal I was, but not willing to stay at a job I didn't like. When you have a spouse, a mortgage, and a child... you make safe decisions.

That being said, check out all the things that have happened* over the past eight years:

bought our first house, sold it, and then bought another one

September 11th

our daughter

started a blog and thus learned how to effectively kill time on the net

trained for and completed an Ironman

watched my wife do the Breast Cancer 3 Day walk

saw my friend join the Peace Corps

stay up late farting around on the computer

gifted a Wii from bloggers who threw our family a Virtual Baby Shower

know the difference between a skirt and a dress

aware HTML doesn't mean Hot To Make Love and exactly why ROFLMAO is wrong

Most importantly I've learned the strength of (anonymous) support. Yes, this is me complimenting you bloggers. I would say bloggers are still quite misunderstood, especially by many Facebook users who would never blog. I'm hopeful this will change in the next few years. Even though I was given grim news on Monday, you've all be so incredibly supportive. I thank each and every one of you. iPod sock anyone?

*like all my list posts, this is nowhere near an exhaustive list of events which have happened over the past 8 years. It's an attempt to fill my blog with vaguely interesting material which might encourage a blogger to comment.

Another Year, Another Quiet Evening

Welcome to 2009! Last year we stayed in didn't do much of anything. This year was precisely the same because the little one isn't so interested in staying up late. That's clearly not an issue for me. Next December things could be different. Instead Mrs. Lessinges and I watched the Dark Knight on our new HD TV. I must say I loved the action flick when I initially saw it in the theatre, but the second viewing felt really long. Bale's Batman voice was odd and I got tired of Two Faced's stupid coin. I get it. Heath was awesome though and should at least get nominated for an Oscar. Keep in mind this is the same guy from Brokeback Mountain who had an Aussie accent. Yikes, "had"... so sad.
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I went for a burrito run Wednesday night. After getting our burritos, I jumped in the Subaru and powered on my new HD radio. Dammit, The Police were on again. I thought to myself how cruel life can be. I swear whenever I get in the car I hear Sting whether it's The Police, Sting & Co., or the Dire Straights singing about MTV with Sting doing his special backing vocals. He's everywhere which got me hoping for a Sting Free 2009. Annoyed with The Police song I quickly changed the radio station. Yep, Sting was on again before I could even finish picturing a Sting Free 2009. Well, good thing I've got my iPod wired into the new stereo and a Bob Dylan CD waiting in the wings. If I went my entire life never hearing Sting (of any sort), Blondie, or The Pretenders again I'd be the luckiest man on this earth. See, I don't ask for much this year.
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STATUS UPDATE: Egan discovered a great song I doubt many know called Red Hill Mining Town. It's by a quaint act from Dublin, Ireland with a goofy lead singer who looks nothing like the person who married Cher and probably can't ski. You should give it a listen.

Yours Truly,
Out of Practice Blogger

Yellow Snow is for Snowballs

Whoa, perhaps I should go to bed. I feel a strong desire to update this blog though, but I nodded off while the blinking cursor stared me down. I honestly can't believe it's Christmas Eve already.

We graciously offered to host my family for the festivities. Believe it or not, it will be the first time Baby Singe meets a couple of her cousins, weather permitting of course. There will be 10 people like me at our house on Christmas day. May the force be with you Mrs. Lessinges.

Speaking of the weather, did you hear about the epic snowstorm in Seattle? If not, I want you on my jury. I decided I would finally get outside and go sledding on Monday night. i found a very fast hill a couple blocks away. It's remarkable how planting my bony ass on a thin piece of hardened plastic can make the world seem so blissful. I derived much joy as a child from cherished sledding days. Apparently the joy is still there as I discovered on the icy hills Monday night.

Not only do we still have snow on the ground, but another storm is brewing. That being said, many residents are now bitching about too much snow and wishing it would just go away. Mother Nature doesn't operate on timetables or people's work schedules. I realize the snow is a big inconvenience, but it's too bad more people can't just enjoy it for what it is, something out of the ordinary. It's ashame to see so many bent out of shape because they can't drive where they want or get wherever they need to be in a timely fashion. I suppose this illustrates why I'm more of an "in the moment" person.

I think snow in Seattle is a bit like becoming a new parent. For the first part of its arrival, it's absolutely all you can talk about with anyone with two ears. As the snow lingers, you learn to accept it and you slowly resume normal conversations not revolving around the weather. Chatting about the weather is one of the most boring topics since it's completely out of our control. It makes for great blog fodder on Christmas Eve though.

Anyways, Happy Holidays to everyone! I wish you all a great final week to 2008. This year is going down as the year blogging took a major hit from other social networking sites, but this is still my preferred medium. Vive les blogues et les blogeurs! Now I'm off to bed, but not before pressing my nose to the window to search for snow.