Les Singes: The Life of Monkey Boy

Not The Situation Room

Something is wrong. Something is completely amiss with our political system. I have to say it's downright annoying me. Currently there's much debate about the health care reform. I'll just put it out there that I'm supportive of the President's health care plan and leave it at that.

During the President's speech last night some politician, purposely left nameless, decided it would be wise to burst out "you lie" when Obama discussed how illegal immigrants won't be covered under his health care reform plan. I'm not really sure this person shouting from his chair understands protocol, but whatever.

Here's what bugs me. The justice has been swift for this guy as he's already issued an apology to the President. I don't believe the guy has much integrity behind his words, but at least he apologized. Just before composing this blog entry I saw a Facebook Update how a "grassroots" campaign already raised $400,000 for this guy's future political opponent. This is all well and good, but part of me thinks our country is behaving like eight year old boys on a school playground. Can't we let this guy dig his own grave instead of all these knee jerk reactions? Giving him any extra press only rewards him for his outburst. My guess is someone stupid enough to say this has likely already ruffled plenty of feathers, making his re-election complicated.

The shouting out during the health care forums, ad campaigns created by MoveOn.org, boycott after boycott... will it ever end? I'm happy people feel so passionate about politics because they're important. However, I do think there needs to be civilty on both sides. Listen to the issues, speak when the other person is finished, take deep breaths, and realize how we're all in this together. This is our country to collectively improve so let's do it.

Sideways Spat

When someone proclaims something about you, sometimes you get defensive. Well this just happens to be a true story from a couple weeks ago.

In late January I bought a bathroom cabinet from Target. I opened the box and the included hardware from the first step of the installation were missing. Great, the hardware was missing. A couple weeks back, I finally packed the darn thing in its original box to return to Target. I brought the box outside the house and was locking the front house door when I heard someone saying something to me.

"no thanks, I'm fine"

I didn't really know what the stranger said, but I figured I best say no. I assumed he asked if he could help me move the box to my car. I stood on the top of my stairs for a little bit, hoping he'd continue walking away from my house. Nope, he stopped on the sidewalk and said something again. This time I heard every word exiting his mouth.

"can you give me a ride a few blocks?"

Naturally I responded negatively by politely saying no. I was still on the top of my stairs when the stranger then accused me of being a racist. "you're a racist". I was a bit shocked someone would make a proclamation like that based on my reluctance to drive a complete stranger three blocks away. I highly doubt I'd drive a friend three blocks, but a complete stranger... hells no.

I put down my boxed up bathroom cabinet and asked the guy what he said, descending my steps to get a closer look at the guy. He repeated his racist accusation. I foolishly chided him. I engaged him asking what about my ride denial warranted the racist label. He continued to blab. I half chuckled to myself. I may have said something about how I'd call the police and then he may have dared me to call them. It's entirely possible I may have then taken his picture using my cell phone.

I watched him walk around the corner and vanish. I waited a few minutes, finished loading the boxed bathroom cabinet in the Prius and drove around our neighborhood. I made sure he wasn't up to any other mischief as stuff has been happening in our neighborhood. I didn't like this interaction. I didn't appreciate this accusation one bit. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if one of our car windows is broken in the next few months.

Hey, Target took back the bathroom cabinet and I was able to build the white pressboard cabinet without any instructions. That my friends is what we call a silverlining.

Kermit Won't Like Me

Earth Day is a lovely day. It is made even cuter since it shares my brother's birthday. Yes, he's older than the actual Earth Day event which means I'm getting wiser in the process. Green is great. The environment is very important and something I value tremendously. I do my part to live a green life, but there's always room for improvement.

Having said this and maybe not selling you on my pursuit of green... I'm unwilling to compromise on a few things when it comes to saving the planet. First on my list is recycled paper facial tissues. Seriously, my nose would probably feel better if I used sandpaper instead. There's a damn fine reason they invented facial tissues with lotion. I know the recycled paper ones are stellar since they don't use dyes and comes from recycled paper. My office uses these and I swear it's so people won't steal boxes of facial tissue to take home.

Next up, another paper product... paper towels. Same sort of thing here except the recycled paper towels just don't do the trick. It takes about four squares of a recycled paper towel to do the trick of one Bounty sheet. Nobody is paying me to say this either. I'm not really sure the benefit of wasting towels. It comes down to dying the paper. In my fair city I can put paper towels in the food waste bin. This means I have very little guilt about using the quilted towels with a lumberjack as a mascot.

Now to be fair, I will offer up a couple green products that totally rock my world.

1. Our Prius. Call it a wimpy car if you want. Continue to believe the car is unsafe in accidents. Fine, but the car is neither wimpy or unsafe. I've been in a lot of cars in my life and I will say it's a fabulous car. I'm very pleased with our Prius. We've owned it for 16 months and the car teaches me new things about myself daily. The great part about the car is it values my safety with gentle reminders to buckle my seat, the car is in reverse, and to "add fuel" when low. The Prius is looking after me so other folks don't have to. Prius, I love what you do for me.

2. Any Seventh Generation brand product, minus paper products. I am a fan of their goods including the laundry detergent. Washing clothes in cold water is fun for the whole family/planet.

3. Biodegradable "styrofoam" packaging peanuts. This is more of a love/hate item since I severely despise styrofoam. I avoid styrofoam at all costs and would like to introduce legislation requiring all products packaged in styrofoam to be labeled as such on the outside. As consumers we shouldn't have to buy crap bundled in styrofoam. The biodegradable peanuts dissolve in water. How cool is that? The only issue is they're not as rigid as the bastard styro-nuts which stick to your body until you quickly flick them away. I wish more things dissolved in water because we have plenty of water in my part of the world. Poof!

** Egan knows there are a lot more green products not mentioned here. However, no companies stepped forward to endorse this post. Egan is a cheap blogger these days. **

Q2 Goals

Ideally you play soccer when it's sunny outside and not raining. More often than not, that's not a reality when playing outdoor soccer in Seattle. Normally I play soccer games on Wednesday nights. This week I played a game late Monday night.

Generally we win our soccer games, but this season they moved us into a much more competitive division. The scores of the last two games aren't solid indicators of our team's talent, 12-2. We're so so much better than those lopsided losses. Before this season we won five straight championships. Monday night's game of 7-2 was a disastrous loss. We had to play one player short which made it tough for our team to stop their offense.

Anyways, my point isn't to discuss the nuances of soccer. What I'd like to say is we got beat, fair and simple. A player on our team was in tears at the end of the game. I get it, she busts her ass and doesn't want to lose. Neither do I. However, I look at a game of soccer as exercise for the day. I get a little social interaction mixed in with pentagons marks embedded in my thigh. It's all part of the game.

I'm of the opinion it's good to have your ass handed to you. No, I don't like losing anymore than the next person. Losing a soccer match does force you to think about how you approach the game. I truly do believe winning isn't everything because a little humble pie here and there is good for all. Of course this little story can be said for life in general too, but my body is sore so I've got soccer on my mind.

Relish the Excited Times

I've been told there are universal truths/traditions you come to accept in life. Many we learn as we go and some seem like we've known them since we could put on our own shoes.

• For starters, if you see a woman who may be pregnant and you're not sure. From what I've been told it's totally acceptable to ask her "how far along are you?" and then to rub her belly without asking. In fact, you can even ask her if she's excited to have a baby growing inside her. Go on, give it a try.
• If you smell something that doesn't seem right. It's fine to ask the nearest person to you if they farted. If they didn't fart, you'll know right away by their reaction. If it's a man, he'll most likely chuckle. If it's a woman, she may chuckle and then cock her neck wondering how anyone could notice such a thing. Fact, only dainty women who don't do kegels routintely fart.
• Being outside in the fresh air is really nice. If you're outside and a bird happens to poop on your head. Don't run to the washroom to clean it off. Leave it there for a while and let others know you're not superficial. A bird pooping on a human isn't unusual. It's about as common as an excited pregnant woman. Relish the moment, laugh at yourself, let others see you, and then wash off the poop since it's a tad unsanitary and may be frowned upon when you're buying your lottery tickets.
• Green means go. For the most part this is quite true. Did you know however, technically a green light means "proceed with caution"? This may explain why some drivers think it's wise to be on a cell phone when entering intersections. It's always good to call ahead and see if the intersection is clear. There are instances when cars don't move when a light turns green. Typically this is the result of traffic, yet it could be an uber important somebody updating a social networking website. Politely gesture to these people as they're keeping our craft alive and well.
• There's this great game called football. In America we call it football because the other football is for wimps. Our version of football attracts men to large parking lots and TVs across this fabulous nation of ours. Men gather, and gather they do like moths to the flame. You might assume they're eagerly anticipating the start of the game, however the truth of the matter is they're avoiding their familial obligations for at least 8 Sundays during late summer and fall. Not because they don't enjoy their families, but because there's a belief buff men wearing football gear chasing after an oblong ball, following rules enforced by men in black & white stripes constitutes sport.

[Blog/life camp dismissed]

FKT: Kleenex

Ho hum... Wednesday afternoon was kind of slow at work. My cubicle mate and I chatted about life and shifted topics to marriage proposals. We discussed the intimate details of how I didn't get down on bended knee to propose to my wife. Instead she received a surprise handwritten note which was secretly placed inside a plastic Easter egg.

Additionally, I revealed how my wife didn't take my last name when I placed the ring on my wife's left hand. Both of these revelations perplexed him greatly. As far as the last name goes, my wife's last name is very unique, rhymes with mazel tov. I didn't see any reason for her to relinquish a lifelong identity simply because she and I exchanged vows. Her name is such a big part of who she is. Would you read this blog if my name was Joe Smith? Maybe you would because you'd think I was some Mormon prophet and discover I just came from a large family. Who knows.

Anyways, some marriage traditions are a tad old school in my mind. I wasn't about to drop to a knee or ask her father for consent to marry his daughter. As long as I've developed a relationship with him and his daughter, there wasn't a need to ask him for his blessing. Perhaps I'm naive in the traditions of marriage because it's only happened once,... or maybe just naive in general.

My officemate chuckled at my expense when I mentioned the engagement ring snafu. There's not much to tell here other than I thought the diamond was included. I didn't know the the "diamond" in the band wasn't real. It's not like I spent my formative years hanging out in jewelry stores.
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*Dull FKT Disclaimer - Feel free to mock or copy this crap idea of mine if you want. Don't feel obligated to do this thing every Thursday and shit. Don't fret, I won't send harassing emails to you on a weekly basis demanding you post some hot picture on your blog. That's way too much work for me and besides, I find reading other blogs boring. I try and spend as little time as possible reading and/or commenting on blogs. I prefer to spread my love for random people in other ways. I don't feel like delving into those sorts of details pubicly on my blog. Gnome sane?

146 Years in the Making

What were you doing in 1863? Most of us weren't around to answer this question. Most of America was in the midst of a bitter civil war. A civil war I've read much about courtesy of books passed down a couple generations. I was always amazed how slowly news travelled in those days compared to when I was a child. As an adult, things are even faster with the likes of the internet, TV, Nintendo Wii*, Twitter, and this very medium... blogging.

I bring this up because today is a sad day in the city of Seattle. One of our local daily newspapers is calling it quits. They ran their first story in 1863 and printed their final edition a few hours before I finished this post. They will maintain an online presence, yet we all know that's not the same.

Perhaps I was in denial about this day happening, but it has. Media is important, newspapers are important, but unfortunately newspapers are in peril and it's not likely they will get any sort of government bailout. One of my siblings has worked in the newspaper business since graduating from college. He's learned some wonderful things about the inner workings of a newspaper. He's worked as a reporter, an editor, and a writer during his time.

Me? I promote using the internet to bolster business. Yes, I realize that's a rather simplified version of what I do for a living. I love technology and I love how I can instantly research how to determine the mileage of a Precor treadmill by typing "precor treadmill mileage" into an online search box and then dig through some internet articles to find a secret code. This fascinates me to no end, however it's also leading to a slow and painful death to newspapers across this great land of ours.

My wife and I used to subscribe to the New York Times, on the weekends. Unfortunately we seldom read more than about 10% of the paper so we cancelled our subscription. I figured we could read it online whenever we got the itch. Better yet, no trees would be used to print our copy of the weekend edition. This also meant advertisers weren't reaching audiences and without that revenue, things look bleak.

Newspapers are in the midst of their own Gettysburg. They're in a fight for their lives without a clear direction. The way we receive our news has shifted so much even in the past three years. I marvel at how fast the tide has turned. I have no answers, I merely have a blog where I can voice my mind.

*Nintendo Wii: I think I'm one of three people in the world to read news articles on my Wii.

About a Man

For those living under a rock, there's this nifty reality TV show called The Bachelor. There's this single dad on the show who happens to be divorced. During Monday night's finale he choose one woman (Melissa) over another (Molly). The show concluded with the Seattle Single Dad proposing to the woman named Melissa. She seemed nice enough and all.

Cool, the show is over and we can all go back to watching a myriad of mystery shows on CBS. By the way, is there a show on CBS that doesn't start out like an episode of CSI? They all have the same formula, no matter what night of the week you watch.

Okay, back to Jason Mesnick. So he picked Melissa to be his wife over another woman. In my mind, both seemed like great people. However, Jason decided after dating Melissa for six weeks after the taping of the show, he wanted to break off their engagement. Sadly this had to happen on national TV because of stuff signed by Jason and ABC. Turns out Jason had some very strong feelings for Molly, the runner-up.

During Mnday night's show, he broke the news to Melissa. I say "broke", but it's not like Melissa didn't know what was coming. Unless she's also living under a rock, she had to know something was amiss. Melissa gets in a limo and rides off into the sunset.

The fine folks at ABC then bring Molly out on the set. Jason breaks the news to her that there's still a chance for them, after the very recent departure of Melissa. She's very hesitant and confused why he's saying this. He lets her know why, they kiss, and exit stage left.
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Les réactions de M. Singe: [commence the uproar] Love is a wicked thing. People have been ruthless about Jason's decision to end it with Melissa. "I can't believe he did that on TV". Their relationship began and ended on TV folks. It existed because of TV. Why is this so shocking?

Jason may seem like a tool, but I'm willing to guess there's at least one person reading my blog (you know who you are) who has had strong feelings for someone else and had an untimely change of heart. Sure you probably didn't have a network camera crew documenting your every move, however I'd bet most would take a path similar to Jason's. I read lots of blogs and I've read many many posts where women talk about this stuff ad nauseam. I find it interesting when it's a guy who does this in a tearful manner, he's labeled a snake. All I'm saying is give the guy a break. It's hard enough to find love in this world...yes, I'm talking to you Twitter. Give Jason and Molly a chance at love and some normalcy.

Egan 7:14

Damn, I can't figure out a clever way to start this post. So here it goes, 14. Fourteen kids. What the hell is going on? I'm one of seven kids so I can't imagine what it would be like to be one of 14. Every time I hear about this woman and her octuplets, I want to cry for the kids.

I'm sure most of you are very tired of the story and want it to go away. I thought I'd give my impressions though. Let's have a candid chat about this woman's psyche. I've maintained for a long time when someone wants a large family, something is missing in someone's life. As much as I love my mom, I realize my mom finds comfort in the "stuff" which surrounds her. Whether it be children, noise, or dusty boxes of yarn... that's what makes my mom comfortable.

My mom was one of two kids, the youngest, with an older sister of seven years. My mom got married young and actually birthed ten kids. Three of them didn't make it past infancy and the remaining seven of us made it to adulthood. Along the way my mom and dad struggled to keep their relationship intact due to financial difficulties. My father did alright, but it's no easy feat to feed nine mouths. Eventually my parents divorced and we had to live on my mom's meager yarn store profits.

Things really do get lost in the shuffle. For the most part I was raised by my siblings and had to fight hard for attention. I learned at an early age making animal noises could gain a laugh and perhaps an extra smile in my direction. I had to compete with six others for a hug, extra food, or even a spot on the couch.

Being from a big family is a unique treat, but one I would never pass along. It's draining to be a parent of one child. To nurture your child and give them the attention they deserve requires much effort. I hardly recall being read to as a child because parental time we scarce. We took showers at the swimming pool because two showers in a house of nine doesn't cut it. I hid in my bedroom, once I finally got one at the age of 14, because I needed a place to absorb. Now, I've got this virtual place...

The infamous California woman with 14 kids is sad. According to her own accounts, she was a lonely child, who her parents freely admit was rather spoiled. She already had six kids before the recent pregnancy. Six mouths to feed depending on a single mom and boom, eight more siblings on the scene.

My final concern is this, the role of the media. I know I'm blogging about this topic and potentially drawing more attention. Yeah right, who reads blogs? Anyways, I'm sure TV networks such as TLC or Discovery are already battling it out for a reality TV show featuring Mom of 14. This is where I have strong objections. Should we reward such poor decisions with TV shows? I've seen Jon & Kate Plus Eight and can't deal with it. Then there's the enormous Duggar family in Arkansas with 18 kids has their own TV show. If I continually make bad decisions, am I rewarded? Nope. If so, we need a reality show documenting my work history between say 17-23 years old. Amen.

The Corner of My Eye

Times are tough, there's no doubt about this. Open any newspaper or read the headlines of any news website and you'll see how countless people are losing their jobs on a daily basis.

On my short work commute I drive by several homeless people. Most of them have signs politely asking for money or food. I was struck by how happy one of the homeless men was earlier this week. He waved gleefully at passing disgruntled motorists. I thought what it must be like to see their discontent faces zoom by and the stories this gentleman could tell. The stories he can read on the people's faces who barely acknowledge his existence; if only he could read minds.

Picture yourself in this guy's shoes at a busy urban intersection. He's doing whatever he can to make people smile. The drivers are lost in their worlds thinking about little Johnny's day or the meeting which started 8 minutes ago. How unhappy can people really be? Most of us have a roof over our heads and loving family/friends.

Is there much more we need in life to be happy? I would love to not lose my job at the end of the month. However, I know I will still love myself and my wife will still laugh in my general direction when I can't sing a simple nursery rhyme. All these layoffs we hear about suck ass, but let's be thankful for things we may overlook and those who have stood behind us over the years.